STAR WARZ: The Emperor's New Clothes
by Rivhr
Summary: That dastardly galactic emperor, Lord Sidious, shows up at the Death Star wearing a new clown suit (as if he could possibly get any creepier). One-shot...just for fun and laughs...give it a try!


**DISCLAIMER: ****I do not own the original ****_Star Wars _****movies, ****Lord Sidious, Darth Vader, or any of the related characters. This is fanfiction, of course, so all the *awesome* people belong to Lucas.  
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**AN: Don't read this story if you're looking for something serious.**

** I'm sure there are a lot of posts that will give you "serious" much better than this can, and you should go read them instead. This post is here for no other reason than to make you laugh, and if you don't want to laugh, or don't have the strange sense of humor required for said laughing, it will not appeal to you. **

**However, I hope it does! Enjoy!  
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Set some time after Episode III: Revenge of the Sith...

Lord Sidious approached his post at the head of the Death Star. As the Supreme Leader of the New Republic, he was busy most of the time. As a result, he often found few hours in which to sleep, resulting in a pasty complexion and unsightly wrinkles under his eyes that even his anti-aging beauty cream could not control. Lately, he was getting even less sleep than usual, due to the added projects on his To-Do list, such as

-Destroy Alderaan

-Establish inter-galactic enslavement of all species

-Give the Death-Star a new coat of paint

-"Un-friend" all the Jedi on Facebook

-Take starring role in the Intergalactic Space Circus

(It was the last one that he had just returned from.)

"Vader!" called Sidious down the corridor. Darth Vader, his cyborg apprentice, was sometimes useful in helping him create evil schemes for ruling the galaxy more wickedly.

Vader appeared from a back hallway. He dropped briefly to one knee, bowing his head. "My master," he rasped.

"Where were you?" Sidious demanded.

"Looking for my lightsaber, my master," Darth Vader replied reluctantly, croaking through his vocabulator.

"I thought I fixed that problem when I had your robotic hand magnetized," Sidious said. "So you would not drop your lightsaber again."

"It makes picking up doughnuts very difficult."

"Use your other hand," Sidious snapped.

"I want to use both hands," Darth Vader whined, still managing to sound fierce due to the vocabulator's settings.

"I am not amused," Sidious snarled.

Darth Vader stood up. He noticed suddenly that the Emperor was not wearing his typical black robes, but instead a yellow clown suit, complete with polka dots, and perched atop the Emperor's head was a curly wig in primary colors: red, blue, and lavender. Darth Vader took a step backwards, reeling from shock.

"What is it?" Sidious demanded, intuitively sensing something was wrong.

"What are you wearing?" Darth Vader asked skeptically.

"I am wearing my clown costume," Sidious replied with an insidious and toothless smile. "I am enjoying the Intergalactic Circus very much."

"It is most… unusual, my Master," Darth Vader replied.

"You're the one who's always whining you want your Vader suit to be painted bright yellow like a shiny space chicken!"

"But a _black suit_ doesn't match my old Jedi _Starfighter_ or my old _pod racer_ or my old droid _C3PO_…." The cyborg villain stifled a sob, "But I never get my way."

"Orphan Annie, shut your whining!" the Emperor growled. "If you got your way, the entire Death Star would be lost in some far-off corner of the galaxy!"

"I only got it lost once!"

"Yes! The _one time_ I leave you here to take charge of things, you end up trying to play _bowling!_ The Death Star is not a bowling ball, and asteroids are not tenpins!"

"But you look…" Vader began again.

"Marvelous," he growled back, enraged at his apprentice's insolence. "Let's get on with today's topics!"

"Perhaps you might want to wear something else while conducting business, my master…."

Suddenly a storm trooper emerged from a hallway. "Boss!" he said to Darth Sidious, about to ask him the best way to deal with rebellious Wookies who refused to mop the Death Star's catwalks. It was then that he noticed the Emperor's strange choice in attire. He saw the clown shoes, the ugly clothing, the bulbous red nose over Sidious's wrinkly one. He viewed the water-squirting flower tucked in Sidious's pocket, the curly wig on his head, and Sidious's toothless, questioning smile.

He stopped short and promptly fell over, faint. "My eyes!" he moaned softly from his stupor. Darth Vader walked over to him and gave him an experimental nudge with the tip of his boot. The trooper released another groan.

"Hmm." The Emperor frowned. His ugly gaze was on the fallen trooper. "…Perhaps you are right, my apprentice. Perhaps you are right."

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**AN: Thanks for reading! And reviews, good or bad, would be much appreciated. Express your opinion! :D  
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**(Quick thanks to "Jaded of Mara" for correcting me on a misspelled name. Much appreciated.)**


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